Thursday, 22 November 2012

She doesn't look like me

I've been avoiding looking in the mirror for days now.

A quick blurry glance is all I'm allowing.

Or a look at my hair, but my eyes avoid my face {and especially my eyes}.

Because when I did look, I couldn't stop staring.

She doesn't look like me. {Or how I remember}.

Her eyes are as dark as always, but they're lacking shine.

And the whites of her eyes seem dull. {But I can remember their vibrance}.

And those dark circles under her eyes, I've never seen them like this before.

Even when she smiles she looks tired.

I want to tell her to lie down, to sleep in the middle of the day and to maybe just let the baby cry.

But she won't. And she doesn't. {Because she knows she is needed, and she knows it will pass}.

She's never known a tiredness like this. {For this exhaustingly long}.

Instead she inhales as much fresh air as her body will allow. And she exhales loudly.

She watches the rhythm of her breath {and she meditates in one-minute bursts}.

And she looks to the sky {at almost every chance she gets} and just as it's complexion changes, she knows hers will too.

And she watches the clouds flirt with the sun, and thinks this is the hardest part of her short mothering journey. This exhaustion {that nobody can really ever prepare for}.

So she closes her eyes and lets the sun smile down on her {and fill her with energy from within}.

And she knows that soon enough she will notice her eyes lingering at the woman in the mirror, and seeing pink cheeks and bronzed skin, and eyes that shine.

And a whole face {and body} that lights up when she smiles.


I'm exhausted. But tell me, how are you? xx






  1. Everything eventually passes doesn't it honey? And we are both right - 'this too shall pass'. Hang in there and know that you aren't alone xxx

  2. Be kind to yourself, and don't be afraid to ask for or take help if you need it. It's tough. hugs xo

    1. Thank you Milina. I accepted a couple hours' help this afternoon x

  3. Being a parent brings with it many moments that are joyous and moments that you just can't really prepare for, it can be hard sometimes. I hope that this time passes and you get to feel like you again soon. At the moment I'm feeling tired but it's due to my complete lack of discipline, it is catching up with me though. Take care. xx

    1. Thanks Catherine. The joyous moments are amazing. They even out the tough times! Hope you get your energy back soon too x

  4. I hope you get a chance to rest soon, some good uninterrupted sleep. x

  5. You are amazing, that you can write so beautifully even when exhausted. Wishing you some uninterrupted rest x

  6. I hope your exhaustion soon passes lovely girl xxx

    1. Thank you so much Jess! Soon enough I'm sure it will x

  7. Oh love. I'm right there with you.
    Exhausted and guilty - always guilty.
    Especially guilty of wishing time away - hoping for an easier, less exhausting phase.
    Ans then she smiles that big, gummy smile and nuzzles in - and it'll be okay.
    Here's to those bright eyes and bronzed skin.
    :-) xx

  8. I feel exactly the same Elisa. Despite the constant happy that is our lovely children, I know I look so much more haggard than I used to. And I don't even mind in a 'looks' kind of way, I'm just aware that I'm not at my healthiest right now. But I don't really have the energy to figure out what I need to change. Hope you feel better soon x

  9. As you know Elisa, things will get better. Try to do some nice things for yourself when you get a spare minute. Have you watched the Louise Hay movie You Can Heal Your Life? It is on YouTube for free. I posted the link on my blog. Take care xxoo

    1. Thank you Julie! I have the book and LOVE it! I think I may have just needed this message from you, thank you! I will get it out now xx

  10. It will pass, that is what I tell myself all the time! Hope you get some rest!

    I am giving away a month planner, meal planner and shopping list pad and pencil for the fridge if you want to check it out

  11. Great post. Beautiful piece.
    I remember those days so well.
    My youngest daughter is now five and I am starting to come back. Sleeping through the night consistently fo the first time in 12 years. There are bags under my eyes, grey hairs and wrinkles that will probably never go. But I am better for it all. My children are wonderful and painful and have improved me beyond eblief. I forgot myself, what music I liked, what I wanted to wear, how much I love dancing and drinking and swearing, but its all coming back, bigger and better. I am in love with my life, warts and all.
    The best lesson of motherhood - relax, have fun, follow your instincts and get as much sleep as you can.
    Happy days.

  12. And it is true what they say. The timewhen they are small flies by way too fast.

  13. Beautiful post. Make sure you ask people for help and accept it when it's offered I made that mistake with my first but now I jump on any offer for relief.


Thank you for your words and support. I'm so glad you stopped by xx