Wednesday, 14 February 2018
Last year felt murky, messy and ferocious. I struggled processing emotions, and I held on too long when I could have been letting go. At times it felt like I was submerged, other times fighting to stay afloat, all the while consumed by the necessary and emotion-processing, struggling to be free.
But I got there. Though all that muck. And I broke every rule I had created for myself along the way. And I began thinking that the reason I had arrived at this place of resentment and isolation, was perhaps because of all these "rules" I created in the first place.
Last week, with the kids back at school, I went to the sea solo with a plan to swim. The weather was warm but mild and the humidity high, the sky clouded over and the sea looked murky, messy and ferocious - just like my past year.
My first thought on arriving was how beautiful the sea is, no matter what mood it shows up in on any given day.
My second thought? I don't swim on cloud-cover, big-wave days. And then I caught myself touting rules again, and wondered when I made up that one. Time to break it, was my next thought.
And so I dived in. And swam solo for thirty minutes, letting the waves push me back into shore. Letting go of any thoughts I was holding on to. And I felt free. Clear, lighter, supported and free.
And that one swim, despite being a month into the year, felt a lot like me giving myself permission to begin again.
To take charge and see ideas become actions.
To break more rules that, on second thoughts, didn't even serve me that well when they were created.
To write, and actually hit publish.
To freely be me, and to simply just be.
Clarity. It took jumping into a cold and windy sea to get me there.
Here's to writing and sharing here much much more! How are you? What are your plans for this year? And are you a rule-breaker? Elisa xx